I’m at a loss and have been disengaging from society. Not writing to this site has been painful, having to finish numerous writing assignments, but more so because of what has been happening to our country. I’m ten days from being in the kayak and traveling along the shore of Lake Superior for two months, and I really am struggling with my emotions. Some of my thoughts spiral toward anger and resentment of a government now gloating with more and more restrictions to the common person. We have become a rigid authoritarian regime where the majority has no voice; now, even the final check and balance, the Supreme Court, has been usurped for a last stage effort to ward off a globalization of mixing cultures, religions, beliefs and needs. Isolationism will only lead to the death of our democracy. The joke? The party in power fought for years to allow businesses free reign over the world to increase wealth and an imperialism related to our free market beliefs. They opened Pandora’s Box and didn’t like what they saw. Now they wish to place a bubble on the world around them creating a forced society of fear, tribalism and conspiracy. To make it all even worse is the fact that we are being played by a sociopath having the highlighted symptoms of his disordered personality: Narcissism, lack of empathy, pathological lying, distorted reality, and paranoia. Thus, I am disengaging from society by way of the water and an unwired environment where the real world around me is Nature and the ever-changing Universal energy we live in rhythm with. I have my gear, I have my journals, and I have my thoughts, other than that, I’m wandering into a feast of the unknown. This is where my other emotional slide becomes evident to me. I tick off the lists I’ve created, the family I need to see, and the chores I need to accomplish and the closer the list hovers over completion, the more disengaged and, I think, depressed I become. But it feels like a good depression. It feels a little anxious and it feels a little like a continual readiness toward a total immersion into the recesses of my brain. Like, I’m already pulling off the first layer of security – denial – of what my life has really been like. The denial isn’t all bad stuff, but we tend to focus and rationalize on our here-and-now making excuses for how we got here and why it’s okay. I’m not so sure an in-depth analysis of my life is that easy. But I am ready for it. So if you see me wandering and looking a little preoccupied, I am. In fact I am very disengaged from my community right now and that feels really strange. More to follow next week.